anyway

im learning again that sorrow is always good to be felt in loneliness. i wasnt born to be bound to anything really, i might not be able to be happy bounded after all. i said previously, my characters are based in what i know and feel, concepts from inside, separated, lapidated as a process to make them jewels of a beautiful concept combination, an essence.

theia thought, shes quite different, she was born from my wish to have wings and wander. yeah, thats theia, in this life i got two small light guiding me, faint, shimering, they’re not enough alone to keep some creepy desires away, thought i know everyone feels it, and i might be a idiot to discount it over people, but anger arises. anger arises. hell it arises even against me. save for one single person in the world, i can ever get mad at that person, i dont have the ability to get mad at that person, it goes against my existence.

either way, heres a tale, i came up with it in the middle of tonight’s sorrow i call it, Sake:

Once upon a time, in a land far place unknown
There was a little mage, this mage was so many persons, had been so many persons, he didnt really knew who was him in the middle of all that, instead, he just assumed that he was all the others that he has been or was at that moment.
The mage lived his life amongst people, even thought he hated people, and even so, he thought that people were interesting things to interact. in fact the little mage loved it, he just loved chatting, laughing, it was his favorite form of entertaiment.
the little mage thought, hated hurt people, hated being hurt too, but hated hurting people. sometimes he would go too far with a prank and would end hurting people, that keept on happening, not continuously, but from time to time.
the mage got very disturbed, and, in order to not hurt as many people as he could, he tried being a different person and acting differently sometimes, he wasnt doing this for evilness, he was just trying to not hurt anyone.
but it ended that, even trying to not hurt anyone, the mage ended hurting someone he didnt ever wanted to hurt, that drove him down to a state of sadness so strong, the light from the enviroment were getting darker and darker, only for his eyes. his vision were also getting misty, stronger by the day, his heart heavy, as his body was also, his will to wake up, to eat, to move, those were slowly becoming tasks as hard as lifting the skies or holding the earth.
the mage decided he would never hurt anyone anymore. and the only way, was being alone forever, he packed everything he had inside his trunk.
he then, departed far, to the insides of a forest, inside that forest, he used his last strenghts to conjure upon the clearing a shelter made out of stone, then, he enchanted himself a spell were he would never need food nor drinks anymore, and went inside.
being inside he conjured stones and made them blend with each other in a way that there was no exit from the shelter. or rather, no entrance.
there, he remained inside, not disturbing anyone anymore, for the rest of his days. his only window for the outside world was the cieling of his shelter, who he had enchanted to be like a glass, a glass that is only translucid from inside.

Tears 1

Chapter Eighteen – Tears

It was the shortest nap a person could have, followed by a painful way of waking up. Enrich slapped Ann’s face hard, she screamed and started shouting:
” Hey, what was that for? Can’t you see im wounded here? Monster. ” she made an angry face now. yet, Enrich slapped her twice again.
” Ouch! Are you trying to pick a fight or… ” enrich interrupted ” Shut up, the first one was for waking you up, the second was for lying to everyone about who you are, the third was because you called me a monster. “
” Still, it hurts couldnt you… wait. You’re lying about… ” Annalot said, a bit afraid and panicking.
” What? “
” It cant be… who told you about that? ” her eyes were starting to water.
” Ariel did, but she didnt said your name. Now, what is your true name? ” Even his teeth were at sight, rage was building fast inside his heart. And he was shouting louder by the second.
Annalot remained silent, shocked.
” Answer me! ” Enrich ordered her
” I is… it is… ” it was not just shock, she thought of death once they discovered her.
” Spill it out! ” he slapped her again
” Annalot. ” and the girl fell in tears.
” Stop crying, stop it now or i’ll slap you again. “
she said, still crying ” Aw, come on, you have slapped me already four times in a row, give me a… “
Another slap
” Hey, come on! stop it! ” almost bursting tears out.
” Cant you see im angry? I worried about someone who wasnt real, you could have told it at least to me earlier. We were friends already and you did not believed me? How can you be part of this all, not being able to trust even a close friend of yours!? ” and he finally dropped a tear too.
” But… wouldnt you tell the… “
” And get my freaking friend killed? Who the hell do you think i am? What the hell do you think being loyal means? What the hell do you think being a knight is anyways Annalot! “
” I… i dont know. “
another slap.
” Give me a break Enrich, im crying! “
” Im crying as well, you spoiled princess. “
” I cant see your tears! ” she bursted in tears.
He also bursted, but also with rage on his face.
” Can you see them now!? “
” All right kids, enough with the soap drama. ” walking slowly with her hands on her hips, came Ariel.
” The hell are you doing here Ariel? ” Enrich was sobbing with a face as a angry wolf.
” Isnt this a relic, Annalot? “
” Yes, it is. ” she was still sobbing.
” We have enough firepower to take that fortress down. “
” What!? ” both exclaimed together, making Ariel Laugh.
” How do you two think a medic alone took so many well armed officials inside an infirmary? I might have skills but, come on, it was a surprise attack. Oh well… nevermind, we are going to make a wide opening to our army, just the 3 of us. “

The Many Thanks;

i… frankly its been a while since i last wrote a post where i talk to you, drifter of these skies.
a very few know this place, its a small place after all, and, theres nothing special, but some old stories that arent all awesome nor good poetry. most stuff is far from being interesting after all.

well, its kind of funny how things are, yesterday was a special day to me, but, was also one of the saddest days, since the end of November life was being terrible here, i tried to suicide but, a certain someone made me not. i have to thank my darling lady, for being so sweet and important in my small unimportant life. yesterday was her birthday, maybe because i wanted to be with her was the reason i felt it so much.
i do guess im a bit depressed now, i spent the whole day on bed sleeping, i could not ate a small whooper burger that was supposed to be my lunch( i am also eating almost nothing per day. )
i have to thank another important fellow, someone who for me is more than just THE elder brother i never had,  hes been with me, he not only gave me strenght, but is also supporting the huge change thats going to happen this year, man…

to think i cried so much yesterday, to think i was so sad yesterday, and to see how many small happy things happened to me today, im even scared of tomorrow. i was called to a huge anime blog, to write things there, i hope i manage to write interesting things as the others do, i dont know, i might become a moderator on this blog’s forum, im also about to leave my parent’s hell to live with the one i love. i, feel some kind of special warm feeling right now, whose i cant describle quite well, im still sensible from yesterday but i believe im not about to cry. i guess…

 

i just wanted to say, thank you.

Fly

 

Fly
oh little bird, dont be afraid
the first time is pain
fly away, fly away
spread wings plain
and fly your way.

ah that wound
made that day
falling metters away
not its gone, now its gone.
spread your wings and fly
yonder.

fly oh fly
little bird fly away
over the yonder
feel? this magnificient day!
not bounded by boulder
feel your flight day.

ah, the soothing feel
the clouds atop those hills
gliding through clouds
might even feel ill
but soon it’ll fade
it’ll fade
into a torrent of happiness blaze.

mind waltz

Mind Waltz

jazz of the wind
waltz for nothing
mistress
of nothingness
nihil within the void
state whose mind avoids
godess of emptyness
song repeated
blew in notes of silence

waltz for the wind
jazz of nothing.

Path

Path

Pointless shoes and air
bruise fastly your hair
clock ticks my pace
wind blows my haste

mornings are always same
and i yawn without shame
all that maters is lost
just hope not to lose my voice

evenings repeat it again
boredom is what i gain
since it all will end
at least i hope
time doesnt bends

were are we from?
why are we going on?
where are we heading to?
nothing i know about this too.

where i go
matters not
were am i from
answer i cannot
all do i know is that there is a end
so lets have some fun.

were i go
really matters not
were i am from
answer i want not
all i know is
before the lady comes to my door
fun is all i am here for.

Your True Self

Your True Self

Flesh and soul
were are thou
mind and body
art thou a parody?

beyond curtains of steel
yonder hills of masks
thou shadows asks
does he, the true self marks?

temper stell in blaze
shater the silver glass
tell yourself from the mass
find beyond this maze
your self is looking glass

I am thou
Thou art I
i call thy name
when you call mine.

random entry

it has been a year since things changed, nothing real bad happened, i got sick a few times, because i was forcing myself too much, but it doesnt matter now, there are the closing days of this year.
i have fear. fear all over my heart, it spawns and lingers, transforms in sadness, my memories still around, floating, bringing back the old, good times of the golden age, when i was young, the sky was bluer and the wind happier. a few things changed, but nowdays, i cant cry anymore.
even if i try, i cant, some tears fall down, but, nothing comes out. im avoiding a huge fight, everyone that knows me, pretty much knows that at some point, there will be a fight and…
i dont know, after this fight, i see nothing, thats the point were i will be so tired, so sadenned, my chest will thighten with each day. since i was 6 years old, the world and life changed, as time passed i only hoped for some happiness. i have found someone who actually cares and loves me, as i do love her. it feels warm, brings me a smile, makes everything better, but, shes lives too far. ages until i see her, and on the top of it, i have the fear of losing her, not for anyone, but, for something, thought she might find someone better and swap me, but… i guess i could live with it. since i was 6, my “luck” were small things that i learned with myself, so i could smile a bit, and, stop crying.
when i was on the 1st grade, and the year before it, i cried so much, teachers, even friends wondered why, my parents knew of this, but, i never said why, you know, it hurts to be treated as trash, but as a kid, its even harder to say to your parents that they’re being unfair, who would say treating as trash, the year will end, and… i dont want it to.
tonight i thought os suiciding again, sadness sometimes picks up so much that, i have those thoughts. i fear death too much to try, and, my life isnt this bad. someday the sun will rise, it always rises, even on the longest of the nights of the longest winter, the sun always rises.
i write this, so, when things get better, or worse, i can read and know, that, things have been worse, or that things have been better, and thus, have something to hope for.

The Hunt for Hunters

Chapter seventeen – The Hunt for Hunters

While Enrich was still on bed, Annalot, was out with Vincent’s squad. She meet battle through the day many times, and it was as if she was at home. It was true that she left unarmed, but that haven’t stopped her. one of the strengths of her lied in counter-disarming fight.
counter-disarming is a simple, but deadly technique, once started, one must die. and annalot knew it. She had no choice,  the kingdom’s swords were too heavy, and there were no spears left in the armory at the camps. Counter-disarming relies in having the user disarmed trying to disarm a foe, and consequently killing it with a fatal blow, as it doesnt requires strength, but precision and speed, its the perfect technique for her to use.
it was starting to get cold, and the lights were starting to flicker as if newborns. the squad were preparing to leave the place going straight to the fortress, Vincent was trying to take the fortress by sneaking in and creating a opening to a strike.
Annalot was silent all the time, she didnt said a word since she left, nothing to say to the soldiers, yet, maybe her voice could rise suspicion, she was doing pretty well, her scores were above everyone’s. She was wielding a  Fhojrdine sword, light, but blunt and frail as nothing else. It never was a bother thought, the counter disarming technique was her main weapon now.
as soon as the sun started to set, Vincent’s squad started to move on their sneaky mission, if they were seen, duty was to kill whoever saw their advances. a hour of fast paced walk and the knights were surprised by a light passing through’em, none was harmed.
” just what was that? ” Vincent said.
the light passed once again this time taking the life of two knights with a single blow.
” i am not my auntie, i wont spare any lives if i can. ” a young feminine voice echoed through the place
” a living spear? “
” isnt it magic? ” one of the knights said.
Annalot’s eyes were fixed in the darkness, something echoed on her head, ” dive or die. “
she dived and shout ” to the floor. “
” what the… ” as vincent finished the sentence, the spear passed right above his head.
” lucky guys… ” said the voice ” still i can take all of you now. “
again, the voice inside annalot’s head said, ” roll to the left. ” she screamed the same, but it was too late, another knight was taken, his head ripped off by the spear.
” i cant believe, we’re all gonna die like dogs here. ” Vincent said, but as soon as he finished the sentence, he saw someone walking in the dark.
” you! ” he shout
in a blink, the spear crossed his throat, and there he lied. Annalot being the only one alive, she looked desperately to all sides, whispering  to herself  ” i cant die now. “ repeatedly
the young voice approached, it was a young girl as old as annalot was, she was wielding a beautiful spear. and as she approached annalot said.
” murdered my companions, without the single sight of  mercy, took coward opening of them and took their lives as if they were just pigs… “
” or dogs… ” the other girl said, with a twisted smile, at that moment Annalot felt death’s hand on her shoulder, for the second time in her life. ” dont worry, im not going to kill you that fast, i can see the fear in your eyes, breath, words, and even in your stance, i’d like to play with that, a bit more. “
Annalot were looking attentions to the lady in front of her, as soon as she saw the spear she realized one thing, it wasnt resting on her hand, instead, the girl was leaning on her spear, as if the spear were holding her. the spear wasnt shoved on the ground nor could it, for the ground was too rocky for that.
” shall we dance a bit knight? “
” come. ” said annalot trying to shake the shock out of her head, little time she had, and a full arc was drawn at her neck, automatically making Annalot  jump backwards, no mercy, the next attack was a second full arc, and the following ones, as if the girl was really dancing with the spear on hands. with each arc, she danced spinning gracefully, Annalot was kind of jealous, but there was no time for that.
” here goes a true strike. ” the girl said
as fast as annalot could, she picked a sword from one of the deceased mans on her squad and held it, it was too heavy to be held overhead, so she crouched and hide behind the blade, the spear his the steel and the girl took a little recoil.
not half a second lasted until annalot ran to her, a burst as fast as she never performed, she managed to close the distance in time. She tried to land a fist into the girl’s eyes, but was deflected by a slap on her hand, the girl took the opening and tried to create a gap, but annalot held her by her waist, both went to the ground, they rolled, and annalot ended on the top, she grabbed the girl’s head and smacked on the ground twice, the girl let a loud cry, and lost the grip of her spear.
something started on Annalot’s head, something was telling her that, the spear never needed a hand to deal damage. it was commanded by voice, and annalot suddenly realized that, it created a gap, and the girl chanted something that annalot couldnt hear, soon, a vision popped in her mind, she fast as a blink rolled left and as soon as she made it, the spear passed right beside her, she then pressed her body to the ground, and the spear drew a horizontal arc aiming her, she avoided it, she rolled sideways again and the spear tried to hit her trice now the other girl called the spear back.
she was with blood all over her head, a serious wound, but she would not give up. neither would Annalot.
the spear was launched, it flew right in Annalot’s direction, Annalot risked and dived towards the spear, hitting the floor before it could hit her, she rolled forward and started to run towards the girl, picking a short sword on the ground, she could feel the adrenaline in her blood, her heart was beating inside her as never before, the blood rushing, the smell of the air, the stimulating cold brushing her hair and scathing her face, she started to scream, no, to shout, as a feral beast seizing her prey.
the spear flew, annalot dodged taking just a bruise, a bruise that she could not feel. nothing could stop her now, the spear was flying again, tried to take her legs but she just sidestepped and made a graceful spin, when the girl saw Ann’s smile, she ordered the spear to make a arc, annalot just rolled forward. nothing could stop her now.
” stop. ” said the girl
annalot was still running, dodging the spear, taking bruises, rolling on the floor, being wounded but nothing could ever stop her.
” stop… ” the girl was frigthened. ” im the hunter here, so stop. “
Annalot’s loud scream was getting even louder and threatening, even the crystal trees were shaking with it, just a few steeps now.
” stop… ” the girl started to shake ” stop now! “
she ordered the spear to fly to annalot’s leg, it lasted a fraction of seconds.
“”Stop now…  ”
but she didnt stopped, instead, when the girl screamed ” Stop you monster! ” annalot’s sword slashed her head off. and as retaliation, her leg was pierced by the spear.
a few seconds after, she felt the pain, it was excruciating. such a pain could not be supported by anyone, but she did, and keep her consciousnesses.
” damn! ” she said ” i must take this spear… ” she used all her strength and took the spear out, letting out a loud scream of pain, not a common pain, but a victorious pain.
she took some cloth out of her dead companion’s and a medicine prepared for these causalities, rubbed it against her wound and wrapped it tight with the cloth.
” now… i guess i’ll lay here for a while… until i… until i can walk again. ” the drowsiness suddenly took her, as she heard someone familiar shouting her name.
” Russel! “
” who is russel? ” she wispered ” is he a dead soldier? well go away, hes not… ” she yawed ” here, i guess. “
” oh my Russel are you alright, boy this… “
” go away i want to sleep. ” and so she did.

4 Heroes of Light Lyrics tribute.

i made these lyrics yesterday while doing nothing because i was tired o playing the DS, and other offline games. without internet there wasnt much i could do.
these lyrics are a tribute to the song, ” 4 heroes of light main theme. ” look for it, you might find easily.

hope and dreams
courage and strenght
four are our heroes
clad in light
pure and might
to spread it again

four are the heroes
are the weapons
are the hearts
brave as four lions
bringing light once again
oh they fight
with the hope
of soothing our pain
night and day
singing out their mighty anthem

and no darkness will ever reign again
for the crystal entrusted power upon then
crowns of might and hope full of light
to back the evil fight
confirm whats right
into our hearts
again
so the world together will sing
their anthem

*Chorus*

Heroes of Strenght
of Spirit
of Pure willpower
who sweept the evil
Across the land
bringing the peace
the hope
of a new bright dawn
down to the night
banishing the shadows away

*chorus*

heroes of might
clad in light
vaniquishing the dark
swords of fire
to spread the light with them
heroes of sparking shine
hope alive
warming the night
through dark
into our hearts
pouring life
again
four brave lions
whose never gave up
the world of men

honor on them
oh, brave warriors
rest with the light
crowns of might
the hope lies into you again

clad in light
pure and might
to spread it wide
once again

heroes of light